just wanting to post an experience by a former bethelite.
the first part was just published with the other two coming overt the next couple of weeks.
click the link.
Even though I never went to bethel I could relate to her story about physical attraction and how much pressure to marry a "spiritually" strong JW man can cloud a young woman's judgement, only to find out when it is too late that as a couple there is no sexual spark (that was my experience and it caused a huge rift in our marriage & was a key factor in the death of our relationship).
I look forward to reading more, thanks for posting your link
CHG
recently at my last meeting, an older brother "in good standing" got disfellowshipped.. sitting only two seats away from him, i saw as he burst into tears as lifelong friends and family began their shunning and immediate gossip in the form of whispers came up from above the brothers and sisters in the kingdom hall.
i felt like giving him a hug and telling him that it was going to be okay and that whatever the reason for his disfellowshipment was, it didnt matter and that god still loved him but before i could muscle up enough courage to do so, he stood up in tears and left.. i shed a few silent tears for him.
i didn't see anyone else do the same.. it was at that moment that i realized without a doubt that living this way is just not worth it at all.. so i've thought about it long and hard and now i just want to move far away and just start new again.
I did move out on my own first before leaving the JW's, I think it really helped me to try my first baby steps of thinking independently (although I was still holding on to the religious dogma at the time)...it was nice to not have to explain to anyone where I was going, with whom, when was I going to be back, etc. It wasn't till I was on my own that I started to hang out in coffee shops and talk to actual normal nonJW people. I was living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes my budget was really tight but it was worth it to live a couple weeks on ramen noodles or mac n cheese- my employers were really cool about giving me a raise when I said that I wanted to move into my own place, they are the ones who really supported my decision to be more independent (they didn't think it was right for a mid-twentysomething to be single living with her parents).
If I had to do it over, I would have moved to a different congregation territory so I could have done a proper fade...but I think you are making a very wise decision & it will be a life changer for you :)
Best of Luck!
CHG
as most of you know we got a very angry letter from our oldest son.
it hurt her very much.
i feel so bad for her because he attacked her for what i feel was very unfair.
Everyone has already said it....
(((((Hugs Reopened mind & Totally ADD))))) you are both lovely and caring people, truly a gift
CHG
Did you cross the pond cantleave??? Are those chicken wings...are you sharing?
Hope it was a great game and much more comfortable then sitting in those bleacher seats with a suit & tie in boiling July heat!
CHG
im very sad, upset and disappointed all at the same time.
why couldnt i just stay away from this dam forum and live my life and blindly dedicated it to the borg.
now i know ttatt, i cant ignore all the facts and all the stories of the great people in this forum.
Hello,
I am glad you got the chance to vent, it is safe here & I hope that it helped you to get it typed out so you can read it back to yourself. I was in your shoes almost four years ago, and people are giving you good advise to do your research and work in a timetable that you are comfortable with. It is wise to not come out to your family right now...you need time to think. This is a very stressful time & you need to also make time for yourself so you don't obsess so much that you have a nervous break down. Take time to do a hobby also that lets your mind relax, make sure to exercise (that gives you needed endorphins to combat depression and gives you focus to do that needed research & soul searching).
Please continue to talk, read, and learn...you can improve your life and take control of it!!!!
Best of Luck!
CHG
ok, i've suddenly got heaps of time for stuff, i can cuddle with my husband on weekend mornings, and i don't have to spend money on meeting clothes!
i've got all these great clothes i hardly wear!
we can make pancakes on saturday mornings!
I remember my mother asking me when I first left "what do you do with all your free time?" with that concerned sad look on her face....I told her that I LOVE sleeping in Sunday mornings & my classes and work take up all the rest of my "free time"...truth is even though I am as busy as I was as a JW, I feel alive! I am tired but not mentally exhausted....I am working hard but now working towards something, not just spinning my wheels!!!
And....I love men with beards, dressing in short dresses or rock band t-shirts and baggy comfy clothes, watching thursday nite television, and happy hour!!!!
Its great that your having a good time!!!!
CHG
hi y'all, this is mrs. flipper.
please share your experiences with this, or possible consequences of being outed.. this recent controversy and resulting arguments all stem from people being outed - possibly losing friends and family because most jw's will blindly follow the watchtower's rules to shun them.. among people i know and experiences read here, the grief and loss caused by this is terrible, and maybe now is a good time to put up some experiences here, and put the focus on the worst villians of all - wt policymakers..
I am still not DF'd, but I still get the shun from my lifelong friends, sister, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins (95% of my family is in the borg). I lost my father who did support and speak to me, & I have my brother who left. My mother and I still have a strained relationship, I know she gets hounded by the elders to cut off association with me...& when I am home for a visit and anyone from the hall calls she tells me to shush so that the person on the line doesn't detect that I am there.
It is hard sometimes to not be able to have an open and honest conversation with my mom (we are restricted to comments about the weather and health...she doesn't want to hear about college stuff or Coffee Shop Guy)
As for the shunning, I laugh when it happens when I go to the grocery store or am walking down the street, & I pity those who did the same thing I did when I was a dub....
but it still hurts a bit, & as for my family and those I was really close to- I do not miss them like I thought I would- but sometimes I wish I could share my life with them...I am left to tell family stories to Coffee House Guy even tho he has never met them and probably never will.
It is the worst when I go see his family, then I feel the weight of not belonging to a family & the fact that they are nothing like mine only makes my heart ache for them.
But as for my day to day life...I am happy and live each day with purpose and do not give much thought to any of the dubs I used to know.
CHG
i'm really struggling with it.
i've been learning the ttatt for the past 6 months now and i've been inadvertantly fading - either one of us or the children have had coughs/colds/flu/chicken pox/stress over the past 3 months which has meant we've missed a lot of meetings and field service with good reason.
we've only been out in service twice this year, so far no ones mentioned it to us but i'm waiting for our group overseer to bring it up anytime soon.
I remember those days of thinking I was having a nervous breakdown (so afraid to tell my JW relatives that I wanted to leave), I didn't know about this site when I decided to "fade" (I didn't even know it had been defined as a term, thats how naive I was)...
Some mistakes I made....I should have just moved away, I decided to come out and tell my JW mom and sister (and the rest of my JW relatives) when the elders caught on to my tactical skipping of meetings and service, and some people were catching me at my double life (hanging out with non-JW). That confession caused a quick fade and people to shun me even though I am not DFd or DA.
I know its hard to keep up a pretense that you believe when you know something is wrong, but know that you are not alone. Do not forget to take care of yourself (go for a walk with the kids if you get stressed thinking about things, or something else that relaxes you). I know that we are all busy, but you must take care of your mental health- this is a very stressful time for you, but know that there is eventually a time when it will get better.
It will be four years since I left soon, and I am a completely different person now- but at the time when I was leaving I thought it would never get better and that I was going crazy.
Try everything you can to not meet with the elders, if they do...
Do not admit to anything, just tell them that you are stressed, depressed, and appreciate their concern (do not tell them that you are doubting, they will try to DF you for apostasy)
I got roped into a shepherding call before I left, and I just agreed with everything they said, and told them that I was having a very hard time with depression and that Satan's world is taking a great toll on everyone (they seemed to like that).
I wish you the best of luck in your fade!
CHG
this isn't a jw experience, but for those of you that have been following my life, i thought i'd have a drink and share this strange event in my post-jw life.. for you wonderful newbies, you can catch up on highlights of my story in the few threads i've started here.
i'm finishing the junior year of my engineering degree and the classes are hard as hell.
i used to be among the smartest students in the room until i hit the 300 level university courses.
I enjoyed reading your experience, as a Junior (in my 30's too) I can relate to your feelings in regards to grades (people keep telling me that they don't really matter but I want to get into grad school so I still panic), worries about GPA's, and trying to nurture relationships with cohorts and professors!
Best of luck on finals & beyond!
(my best university experience so far this year is getting accepted to study abroad this summer, I am going to study art history at the University of Oslo in Norway....whoda thought three years ago trapped in JW hell that I would have a chance like this?- I'm sure you've thought the same thing & are so happy you had the balls to try and live your dreams by enrolling in school- good for you!)
CHG
when you were a jw did you get together with family or other jw's on christmas day?
most people have off so it would be convenient.
in my mind, if you got together with family or jw's shared a meal or drinks, perhaps watched a movie or played games you did celebrate the day.
Luckily my mom didn't like going out in service on xmas day (I think we only did it once), so on christmas we went to the movies and ate usually at a chinese buffet....I still do that as an ex JW I really enjoy it! I'm a sucker for traditions I guess.....
